It's cold and gray here in San Diego, like my mood. I lost my job and my crush and I feel uninspired. I'm finding it hard to trust that if I just keep pushing I'll hit sunlight. I'm growing tired of hitting my head against a rock.I want to feel the sun. I want to unfurl and grow tall, open the soft petals of my heart toward the world and allow myself to be seen. I want to be embraced and loved and caressed, scooped up and my scent inhaled into the body of another.
The effort of life is making me weary. I am tired of efforting. I want to be tugged along by the natural flow of a life of ease but instead I flail and thrash around. I'd like to find that current, the one that I can maneuver and stay afloat in, and feel myself hit my stride. But maybe that's a fantasy fueled by motivational speakers and spiritual infomercials. I don't know.
I'm ready, God. I'm ready to really take off. I'm tired of this small town living. I'm ready for my big break, that one role that gives me the leg up into the industry of my life. So go talk to your people and then get in touch with my agent.
Thanks,
Amber.
5 comments:
Sorry to hear your lack of enthusiasm and employment. This does, however, seem like a good time to come visit for a while. It would be nice to see you and it sounds like you may have some time. (Unless, of course, you are jumping into the job searching at full force.)
Jen
This is EXACTLY how I feel today, too. Ughhh. I'm squaring that prayer.
Think of how strong your root system will be when you finally manage to get past that rock.
Turn that frown upside down little girl!!!!!!! I know it sounds lame.. but sometimes ya gotta fake it until you make it!!!!!
Think about the positives.... your healthy, Jack is healthy, you've got great friends and family that love you, you have a degree from one of the finest Universities in the whole world:), You give the BEST haircuts, your funny, so funny, ya got skills, mad skills. You CAN get a job that you love, and you will!! Your good at what you do. My kids still talk about you guys. You live in Sunny Cali where you can got to the beach EVERYDAY!!, You are a great writer and so very real with people, You can see, hear, and speak. Your arms and legs work. You only have one child and not seven. i know I am stretching it... but you get the point.
I am not trying to be Mary Sunshine here, I know your having a tough time... but rest assured, it WILL get better, and these dark times will be a distant memory.
Bloom where you are planted..... choose to bloom!!!
WE LOVE YOU!!!
Jen: I would come up and see you but feeling the urge to be responsible and financially stingy. I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from, yet. But I could use a good dose of Jen. It's been a really long time.
Leslie: It must be the weather.
IF: My roots will be able to upturn the Chrysler building once I get around this damn rock. Fucking rock.
Traci: Well, shit. I just got a beating and I'll take it. You're so right... I'm just getting scared. Thanks for the healthy dose of reality. Are you done being sick yet? Because I caught your flu. Ugghh.
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