A few nights ago, I saw a commercial for perfectmatch.com and I became temporarily insane inspired. You see, while the very thought of dating makes my body go numb with fear, I realize that it may be a necessary evil to finding a partner to share my life with. And lately, I've been feeling as though my life just might be worth sharing with somebody.
This notion of inviting someone else into my life crept up on me, somewhat unexpectedly. Up until a few months ago, I was singing the praises of living alone. After 28 years of roommates and boyfriends and brothers and dorms, I have been relishing the joys of aloneness. Ahhh, the remote to myself. Ahhh, I can listen to Celine Dion and nobody will know. Ahhh, sweatpants all day. I can leave the dishes in the sink for a week if I want to. I can just walk around that pile of laundry on my floor for a few more days. I can just choose not to look at that ring around the inside of my toilet. It's my house!
So, I started taking the free compatability test which reminded me of the quizzes in the back of Glamour Magazine I used to take in Junior High. " Do you tend to be more spontaneous in planning things or do you prefer a schedule." Spontaneous. Check. "Would your friends classify you as the life of the party or more of a wallflower." Life of the party. Check. This is fun!
This notion of inviting someone else into my life crept up on me, somewhat unexpectedly. Up until a few months ago, I was singing the praises of living alone. After 28 years of roommates and boyfriends and brothers and dorms, I have been relishing the joys of aloneness. Ahhh, the remote to myself. Ahhh, I can listen to Celine Dion and nobody will know. Ahhh, sweatpants all day. I can leave the dishes in the sink for a week if I want to. I can just walk around that pile of laundry on my floor for a few more days. I can just choose not to look at that ring around the inside of my toilet. It's my house!
So, I started taking the free compatability test which reminded me of the quizzes in the back of Glamour Magazine I used to take in Junior High. " Do you tend to be more spontaneous in planning things or do you prefer a schedule." Spontaneous. Check. "Would your friends classify you as the life of the party or more of a wallflower." Life of the party. Check. This is fun!
But then it got very, very un-fun. It got downright mean and nasty. It started asking about the not-so-pretty parts of me, the parts of me that I like to hide even from myself, the parts of me that are labeled with scarlet letters of shame and odium. "Deal-Breakers," the page was titled. But in my mind it should have been, "Reasons Why You Will Reject Me" or "Reasons Why I Will Not Get a Match." I couldn't believe it was asking me to just put it all out there, that I am "Full Figured" and "Financially Unstable." It was as if they has asked me to go stand in front of the classroom and, layer by layer, take off my clothes with each little box I had to check. "Often late." Check. "Smoker" Check. "Suicidal after filling out this questionnaire." Check.
After a few cigarettes and a pep talk from a friend, I talked myself down off of the ledge and completed the questionnaire. Later on, it asked me what I was willing to tolerate in my future partner and things like "Bald or Balding" and "More Messy Than Tidy" were checked, while "Unwilling To Have Children" and "Sports Addict" were kept in the intolerable category. I realized that I just might make the day of some bald, messy guy who thinks he's totally rejectable based on these things. And maybe some guy out there thinks that being a "Spender Rather Than a Saver" is sexy! Who knows.
11 comments:
amber i loved your message the other night! you are absolutely RIGHT - the "game" is nerve wracking. not that i would know as i am still firmly entrenched on the sideline bleachers watching it go by... however. i am sure at some point i will have to open myself up to being known again by a man... a man who might want me or reject me or whatever. vulnerability is a bitch!! i have a hard enough time of it with my male friends. oh girl... hang in there. and GOOD FOR YOU for taking a risk. it's more than i'm doing right now:)
I did it. I hated it for a long time, but enjoyed the free dinners. I relished the fact that I was way better at small talk and guiding first dates along delightfully entertaining conversational paths. And then I got tired of first dates, so I decided to quit. With one week left on my account I decided to pick the first guy's email in my inbox to go out with. And now we've been together for nearly a year. Crazy, huh? He was not my type at all, nor was he on the outskirts of my type, but he took me to the fair and then to a concert, and then I just kept going out with him. And he's the shit.
I'm all for it! Good for you.
You will learn so much about yourself in that crazy ass process. And you'll be tempted to write a book probably thirty times in the first two months. I can't wait for updates!
I suggest Match.com though... you get to see so much more of the person.
Ah, I could go on and on about online dating. And realizing that makes me a little sad and giggly at the same time.
I cannot imagine revealing such intimate details to total strangers. You've got guts girl! I think the single life would reveal my insanity. I would be THAT LADY, wearing overalls and purple hats, talking incessantly about my 14 cats!
How sad are we that there isn't one of these near us:
http://queserasera.org/cringe.html
o.m.g., Melissa.
I need to plan a trip to Brooklyn just to be a part of this! Awesome!
Thanks for sharing your success story. You've actually inspired me to give a man I normally would have deleted out of my inbox because of the 37 exclamation points in the subject line, the failure to capitalize the word "i," or other big no-no's that would tell me "not your type."
There will, most definitely, be updates. Stay tuned!
Amber.
Maybe we should start up our own "Cringe?" Say, South OC or North SD?
YES!! Let's start one up.
Old diaries plus alcohol plus karaoke???
Hmmm?
Equals love.
Did eharmony set you up on a horrible date and now you've gone into hiding? Come back.
Amy,
Thanks for missing me. No, it's not horrible dates that is keeping me away; it's been good dates. Other people's good dates. I've been in several weddings in the past few weeks, weddings that have taken me to the East Coast. Where there is no internet service. It's all cave men there, people.
Glad to be back.
I'm just now catching up on your blog, Amber.
This one was a goody.
Me like. Can't wait to hear more about this topic.
LOL---nothing like the good ole jbu days when dave and i would randomly call girls for dates off the facebook......goodness how times have changed. I know, we suck, we are the epitomy of everything that is wrong with men....but we did what it took......seems like you are doing that......
spicola
Post a Comment