Online Dating Photo.

A few days ago, my brother was showing me the features on his new iphone and it didn't take me long to a) decide I have to have one right now and b) develop a sharp stomach cramp from laughing hysterically. Anyone who owns a mac knows that they have this fantastic feature that lets you skew photos in the most marvelous way, resulting in hours and hours and hours of fun. I don't care how bad of a mood you're in; messing around with this feature on a mac will have you guffawing uncontrollably in moments.

It didn't take me long to go from "Ha, these are hilarious," to "Let's post one on Craigslist in the personal ads!" After perusing the personal ads in the Casual Encounters for a bit of inspiration (and to get some of the native lingo), Nate, Tam and I came up with this ad:

Sweet girl looking for NSA relationship - w4m

I am a sweet girl who craves tenderness and passion. I am longing for an night of romance, maybe starting with wine, moving to kissing, and where it goes from there is up to you and me. What I don't have in looks I make up for in flexibility. And I've got a killer rack.



Only serious replies, please.



Please send a photo and I'll send more.



Tam and I giggled nervously as I posted the ad. I was actually kind of scared at the responses I might get, thinking they would be horribly vicious and mean. Something like "You must be out of your fucking mind!" or "In your dreams, Fatty Mc Fatterson!" I thought that my ad would get removed, ignored, laughed at.... but what I didn't expect was this:

~hi I saw your post and would love to give you hours of fun tonight. I am a 31 y.o. construction worker with a nice 7" (bleep), a talented tounge and plenty of stamina. I would also love to see how flexible you are. If you are interested reply back and we can set something up.





~wanna have that drink of wine with me tonight?







~wow. i'd love to meet and see that killer rack.








im a motor boatin sob and i would love to motor boat you right now.should i host or you?let me know.here is a pic.





And one, sent without a photo, simply said, "wish i was younger... bummer." Along with about 35 others. Most of them I can't post because the photos are close up shots of their junk (which, on a side note, I find to be so simpleminded. It's like these guys think, "Hells yeah, she'll LOVE this. I'd love to see hers, she DEFINITELY wants to see mine." To which I say, "Um, no. No we don't."). 42 responses total, peeps. 42.

So this whole thing has got me all discombobulated. My brother is convinced that these guys aren't for real. My friend thinks that the guys who responded knew it was a joke. I think they're for real (Well, maybe not the motorboating S.O.B., but I really hope so). Clearly they read the email, clearly they saw the photo.... and they want to hook up, tonight. It sorta blows away everything I've ever been taught about men, sex and attraction. Which, granted, was a really lame education from the culture at large and my ex, who stopped having sex with me after I gained some weight and said my body was "deformed." So, I can accept that I may be... a little bit skewed.

Those of you who know me are aware that I am the very first person to advocate that we do not have to meet society's standards of beauty to attract a loving partner into one's life. I fully believe that, if the girl in that photo were real, she could and would absolutely be worthy and deserving of a wonderful lover and friend. I also believe that she would not be the kind of girl that a man would want to randomly hook up with. Develop a fantastic relationship with after one gets to know her and falls in love with her sparkling personality and charm? Yes. Send a photo of one's penis to and get naked with having never spoken to her before? No.

So, help me out people. I want to hear your explanations. One friend said they're all sex addicts. That makes sense to me. Another said they're all ax murderers. While somewhat believable, I think we'd be hearing about a lot more Craigslist murders on the news and Dateline would do a "To Catch a Casual Encounters Murderer." Tam thinks these guys have a fetish. For... big chins.