March 17, 2007
I woke up this morning to Jack climbing onto my face, breathing his hot, baby breath into my ear. It was the best way to wake up ever. I could smell his little baby smell, all warm and sweet like bread baking in the oven. He grabbed fistfulls of my hair as he moved, his diaper crinkling as he crawled. He climbed higher and higher, until his entire body was on my head, pajama-enclosed feet kicking into the air propelling him to the other side of me.
When there, he sat up and began excitedly telling me a story. “Bob. Bob bob bob bob bob bob bob. Bob. Bob.” His eyes are wide and expectant as he tells me this, his hands gesturing wildly. I’m wondering what is going on in his little baby head when he suddenly grabs my face and lunges forward, burying his own face into my cheek. “Bob bob bob, bob!” he squeals, and then proceeds to make fart noises on my face with his mouth.
He stays there for a while, his face pressed into mine, his body piled up in the crook of my arm. I am nearly dying from my love for him, making it hard to breathe. I could cry a thousand times a day by just looking at him, if I let myself feel it every time. I wait for him to pull away, to move on to the next baby thing to do, but he lingers in this moment of embrace with me and I cannot help but let the tears come forward. The lump in my throat appears and then ebbs away, softening as I move through this exquisite pain, this exquisite joy.
There are so many moments like this in a day of being with Jack. There are so many little, tiny instants that look like nothing but are actually totally profound and life-changing. A smile, a sound, a new skill mastered like opening up cupboard doors. All of these moments, when captured, are divine moments of grace where love comes in and it transforms the day.
I watch Jack as he sits up and faces the room, his hands exploring themselves out in front of him. He reminds me of a duck gliding effortlessly in the water, head turning aimlessly, eyes seeing nothing. His little beak opens up and “Bob, bob bob. Bob. Bob,” escapes, quietly. I notice that his foot is near my hand and so I curl my palm around it, noticing his smallness.
He looks over at me, coming out of his duck gaze. “Bob?” I ask him. And he bursts out laughing.
3 comments:
i loved this amber. jack is so beautiful. those luminous eyes! and such a noble forehead. and you beautiful mother you.
yr BALDy pal,
lynette
thanks for writing about this moment. it brings back sweet memories. the best. cns
Wow! I feel like I'm in a time warp, I mean like Rip Van Winkle! This blog thing, kinda futuristic, I mean I remember when all we had was a number 2 pencil and a pad of paper and a .03cent stamp to mail it all. I need to have a shot of instant know how to keep up with all this wonderful, wonderment.
I am still trying to figure out how to get into Shutterfly to see all these wonderful pics!
I put down my bongos to fetch something cool to dring in a mason jar. The breeze feels cool upon my face as I lie on the grass Donnie Darko style and contemplate the time going by.
I love you.
Al. Calabrese
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