Fall Equinox

Every fall, three of my friends from USM and I commit to a year of personal growth through the completion of a personal project. Each of us decides what that will be for us- whether it's learning how to play the guitar, moving into private practice (we're all therapists), or losing 25 pounds- and then we support one another through all of the crap that comes up along the way. We commit to a two hour conference call every other Sunday, and to being available to one another in the less scheduled, call-in-the-middle-of-the-week-because-I-want-to-give-up moments. This will be our third year together and I am so excited to get the project going.

I've decided to take on a writing project. I'm going to finally write my book. I have set aside Thursday nights as my writing night, sending Jack to Aunt Melissa's for the night and even leaving work and hour early. I'm hoping that I will be able to create other pocket of times throughout the week for additional writing, but for now Thursdays are what I know for sure.

What I also know for sure is that in setting this powerful intention I have created something much larger than myself. It is as if the book is being born through me and it is only my job to show up and be the vehicle through which it is delivered. Knowing this, feeling this, allows me to relax into the process and let what shows up on the page show up on the page. It's not about getting it right... it's about letting it come forward.

What's in you? What wants to be birthed through you? Commit with me to create the space to let it show up this year!

I have no words.

I can't tell if this is cute or scary.

Back on the Wagon.

So, I just got rid of my TV. Again. It took a great deal of energy to push through the resistance screaming from inside of me, but I did it. It's in a cabinet in the hallway, out of my bedroom.

I cannot be trusted with television. Really, I can't. I'm like an recovering alcoholic who thinks to herself, "Oh, I can have just one beer." Three hours later I'm glued to the TV, watching the all day marathon of Project Runway, all intentions of writing or otherwise being present totally out the window.

I have been listening to the voice within that has been begging me, urging me to WAKE UP. Live. Fully. Embrace the moment. Drink in the day. Taste it and swish it around. Love each moment. Love each person who walks by. Show up. Your life is here, now. Breathe it in! The TV is like a lullaby, gently rocking me back into snooze mode, numbing me out, lulling me off to sleep.

Here's another thing TV does to me: it makes me feel bad. I mean, there aren't a lot of commercials that send the message, "Hey! You're fantastic just the way you are! Really! You've got everything you need within to change your outer reality! Take a moment to reflect on all of the beauty around you and be GRATEFUL!" No, no. When I pay attention, I see that the main message that's getting subtly but powerfully lodged into my consciousness is "You're not enough," and "You're unsafe." Not good. And not true.

So, bye bye TV. Again. I'm back on the wagon. Now it's time to go make my bedroom a sanctuary where I am daily inspired to wake up and be in the moment. And to love it, fully.

Throw it All Away.*
Music by Glen Phillips and Toad. Lyrics by Glen Phillips.

take your cautionary tales
take your incremental gain
and all the sychophantic games
and throw 'em all away
burn your tv in your yard
and gather 'round it with your friends
and warm your hands upon the fire
and start again
take the story you've been told
the lies that justify the pain
the guilt the weighs upon your soul
and throw 'em all away
tear up the calendar you've bought
and throw the pieces to the sky
confetti falling down like rain
like a parade to usher in your life
take the dreams that should have died
the ones that kept you lying awake
when you should've been all right
and throw 'em all away
with the time i waste on the life i never had
i could've turned myself into a better man
'cause there ain't nothing you can buy
and there is nothing you can save
to fill the whole inside your heart
so throw it all away
won't fill the whole inside your heart
help me empty out this house
the wool i've gathered all these days
and thought i couldn't do without
and throw it all away

P.S.... While looking for images for this post, I found this picture. Ewww.