I don't miss Jack. I've been gone for five days and I could stay gone a lot longer. Now, I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but I am sure that this means that there is something wrong with me as a mother. I know mothers who had to come home early from their vacation because they missed their kids so badly. I know mothers who refused to take jobs that required that they travel becuase they didn't want to be away from their children. I was just reading a post about a woman who was "dying to get back to see my kids" while she was on her vacation.
Me? Not so much dying to see my kid. More like dying to extend my travel plans. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other moms but I'm just trying to find my way here.
Being away from Jack these past few days has made it clear that I am ready to go back to work. For those of you who don't know, I have been working as a nanny for a family with three toddlers and bringing Jack with me to work. So, it's all day, every day, babies all the time. I believe that this is greatly contributing to my insanity. The idea of putting on nice clothes - a suit, heels, and jewelry as opposed to yoga pants and spit-up Tshirts - and driving to my office to sit across from clients sounds SO glorious. No Dora the Explorer. No Candyland. No looking for snails. No diaperchanging. No kissing of booboos or explaining why to a three year old. Going back to work as a therapist sounds so civilized.
So, in between the glasses of long island iced teas, sleeping in until noon, and taking naps at three in the afternoon, I have been sending my resume all over San Diego county, begging for someone to employ this burned out momma. It's been a great week, and I'm not ready for it to end. But I have faith that the tides are turning, that I will once again like my son, and that all will be well. All is well.Me? Not so much dying to see my kid. More like dying to extend my travel plans. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other moms but I'm just trying to find my way here.
Being away from Jack these past few days has made it clear that I am ready to go back to work. For those of you who don't know, I have been working as a nanny for a family with three toddlers and bringing Jack with me to work. So, it's all day, every day, babies all the time. I believe that this is greatly contributing to my insanity. The idea of putting on nice clothes - a suit, heels, and jewelry as opposed to yoga pants and spit-up Tshirts - and driving to my office to sit across from clients sounds SO glorious. No Dora the Explorer. No Candyland. No looking for snails. No diaperchanging. No kissing of booboos or explaining why to a three year old. Going back to work as a therapist sounds so civilized.
Lisa and I wrapped as Carrie's birthday presents, deliverd to her door.
It was a fantasy fulfilled to pop out of wrapping paper and yell, SURPRISE! (Hey, notice the dystonia hand)
Yeah! Cheerleader clap!
The ladies, out on the town. Becky, Lisa, Carrie (looking quite royal, or bridal, maybe), me and Jhyle.
Mandy and I gettin jiggy with it. It's hard to look at this picture. In my head, I looked a lot better.
I have no idea. 
7 comments:
I love your pictures. It's so great that you're having a good time.
Fuck guilt, get another drink! I say enjoy the gift of a few days off from your life. Isn't that what vacation is all about? I vote you go back to work and go back to who you really are...
You don't have to go back to the reality that you left. I love new frontiers, even when they're old frontiers.
Yay!
I was ready to go back to work after about... ONE month. (And I did.) It helped a lot to get a break from the kids. Sounds like this trip was exactly what you needed. Hope you guys are having fun.
Jen
What you're not realizing is that you are doing Jack such a favor by having your own life. You aren't doing your kid any favors by putting their needs ahead of your own. Without a healthy, balanced mom he's not going to be getting what he needs anyway.
I can send you the links to some really wordy research articles on it if you're interested.
Kick back, mama. Dip into the sauce while you can!
Melissavina: Yes, FUCK guilt! And fuck it's little sister, shame!
Jen: It was exactly what I needed. I could use a trip up to see my other Hillview friend, too. YOU!
IF: Yes, please. Melissa can get you my email address. I honestly didn't realize that I wanted to go back to work up until recently. I didn't realize that I was going crazy. Scary, isn't it?
Bytheway, I got offered a job today!
You got a job! Tell me, tell me, tell me all about it!!! Did you accept? Also, what happened with the whole alliant deal? We need to talk sooooon!
That Mandy chick seems to be really cool.
Jesse Spano,
I am so glad to see you have made another appearance on my blog. You creep me out with your suprasensitive 80's love ballads, but you can stay. And yes, Mandy IS totally the coolest shit ever. Word is she's moving to San Diego, soon. Which is great, cuz I could always use another babysitter.
Say hi to your mumsies for me!
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