Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I Heart San Diego



Last week, I didn't hear a thing about Brangelina or Britney or Paris. For a full week we had something more important to talk about than where Jake Gyllenhaal had lunch and who is freinemies with who. For six or seven days, the media took a break from Hollywood and focused it's attention a few miles south on San Diego.

Not only did the media take a break from Hollywood, but it also took a break from the war in Iraq and the evils of Blackwater. It took a break from telling me about all of the political drama happening in Washington and it didn't attempt to persuade me to hate a gay senator. Last week, I didn't hear a single report of an attempted robbery, a drive-by shooting, a convicted sex offender being released into the community, a teacher being charged with statutory rape for sleeping with her student. I didn't hear about how the economy was slipping or what is causing the earth to die or why this or that political party is ruining the country. And I didn't miss it.

What I saw instead inspired me. What I saw gave me hope in the human race. What I saw made me want to become a better person. What I saw was San Diegans coming to the aide of one another, donating their time, money, energy, homes, land, food, tents, cots, service, skills, and prayers for those who lost their homes. I saw images of Qualcomm stadium where the evacuees were being entertained by musicians, cared for by doctors, and listened to by crisis counselors. I saw heroic acts of courage and compassion by the firefighters and the amazing acts of kindness and thoughtfulness shown by neighbors.

What's more is that I saw the reporters praising the firefighters, acknowledging the competence of the county officials, remarking about the compassion and generosity of the volunteers. In fact, I was inundated with it! All day long, all week long, images of mountains of donated goods at evacuation sites, videos of people cooperating with the police, interviews with caring people willing to give up their yard for an evacuated horse or their spare bedroom for a displaced family. The entire San Diego community, it seemed, was coming together.

I'm not sure if it was an intentional shift in reporting the news, but I loved it. The radio and the TV were filled with good news, positive news, about how people were helping one another and being in service to one another and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to be like all of these good people all around me, lending hope and support to those in need. I wanted to be a part of what my community was doing: demonstrating compassion.

And I was not alone in this feeling. Other people around me have talked about how nourished we were by the news, how it made us believe in community again, how it made us proud to be from San Diego where so many good people live. This is such a different feeling than what I usually get when I listen to or watch the news: anger, fear, despair, hopelessness...

I know that the media aires the stories of brutality, violence, and destruction because these stories appeal to our anger and fear. However, it is true that what we give attention to grows. And I believe that if we were shown stories that appeal to our compassion and hope we would see a major shift in our communities, and even the entire planet. This was proven to me last week by the people living here in San Diego who, like me, were inspired and motivated to let the best parts of us show up.

Over the past few days, normal programming has returned to the radio and TV stations and I am no longer interested in listening. I find myself wishing there was a "good news" program that I could dial into and watch inspiring stories of men and women doing what we are all capable of: service and good work. I wish that, instead of hearing about how this war will never, ever end, I could hear a story about how a woman in Nebraska found a way to support Iraqi mothers from her kitchen table. I wish that, instead of watching images of gang bangers shooting up neighborhoods in my community I could be shown a story about the afterschool community center across my street that found a way to give adolescents a sense of purpose and meaning.

Until that channel exists, I have decided to put my TV in the closet. And you know what? I'm okay. It turns out that I really don't need to know what Jake Gyllenhaal had for lunch or what bizarness Britney is involved in lately. I decided to leave my TV career on a high note, with memories of the community of San Diego supporting one another in compassion and service.




Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Mother Amber, full of grace...

Last night, in the parking lot of Best Buy, I was unbuckling Jack from his stroller when I heard a terribly curt voice say, "I don't want to hear about it! Deal with it!" I looked up involuntarily and saw a woman walking toward me who looked like she had simply had it. I mean, if looks could kill, the whole parking lot would have blown up in a mushroom cloud. Ticked off and annoyed wouldn't even come close to describing how this woman was feeling. Walking behind her was a waif-y teenage girl, presumably her daughter, wearing a look of smug indifference to match her very short denim shorts. I immediately hated her.

Now, on any other day and prior to becoming a mother myself, I would have thought something like, "My, my, my... What horrible parenting. Clearly she needs to work on her anger management skills and learn how to communicate her frustration with her daughter's behavior in a less hurtful way. I'm so glad that I'm such a better person, altogether." Today, I just wanted to hug her and hand her a Margarita.

The worst parts of me show up on days like today. I never thought I would be the type of mother (or nanny) who would snap at her kids, say things with total exasperation like, "What do you WANT?!" I didn't expect to be able to identify, so clearly, with the parents that I have been in judgment of for so long. I'm not sure what I did expect. To be able to rise above what every other human mother has experienced? To be so enlightened that the sound of crying for an hour and a half straight doesn't make me dream about hopping in my car, driving to Mexico, and never coming back?

Maybe it's time to start accepting that being in human form is awkward and difficult and it comes with all sorts of wild emotions and experiences that can't always be perfectly contained or managed, no matter how young or old we are or how many master's degrees we have accumulated. Maybe it's time I stop making this wrong, making myself wrong, making others wrong for having a human experience. Like Lorenzo, who has been screaming from his bedroom for the past 55 minutes while I've been writing this. And me, who wants to go up there and "give him something to really cry about."

And This Doesn't Help.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Meet Miss Douglas, the Tone Deaf Trumpeter

I don't usually do videos on my blog, but I found this one and I decided that it was my duty to acquaint you with Miss Douglas, my new best friend. My favorite part is when she "shoots" her trumpet. God love her.
Tone-Deaf Star Wars Trumpet

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Flood

In psychotherapy, we use the term emotional flooding to describe the sensation of experiencing many emotions bursting forward at the same time, which can be a very overwhelming experience. In plumbing, we use the term water damage to describe what happened to my apartment two weeks ago when some flooding of the non-emotional sort took place. Also a very overwhelming experience.

I know that there is some sort of symbolism in water flowing out of my front door like Niagra Falls, but I don't want to explore how my outer experience is a reflection of my inner experience. In fact, I don't even really want to be present to my life right now. I would much rather numb out with TV and peanutbutter ice cream, lock my doors and turn off my cell phones and just sort of go away. I would, if it weren't for Jack, who yanks me out of unconsciousness with his demand to live life fully.

I've been angry at Jack for slapping me awake, wishing he would just let me sleep for ten minutes. Please. Just ten minutes. But maybe life knew that to allow me to do so would be quite dangerous and so sent Jack to be my EMT, always shouting at me, "Stay with me! Stay with me!" But oh, how I just want to shut my eyes sometimes.